I love these kinds of special days, set apart to help bring awareness, a helpful reminder, to give attention to an important topic.
I will break apart what I’d like to share with everyone in a few sections below, speaking from experience in living with a mental illness. First I’ll share with everyone, regardless of whether or not you have a mental illness – good mental health includes everyone!
Reminder to Everyone
– Be kind to your mind. It’s OK to give yourself a day off. You don’t have to do it all in order to be worthy. Don’t run faster than you have strength.
– Cave Days are needed, put together a recovery prescription to take when you feel overwhelmed. Make a list of your favorites and have a ‘just me’ day, or evening, as often as you need it! It’s not selfish to need some time alone.
– It’s OK if you don’t have everything done in a day – or it’s the end of the week and the long list has only a few checks off, or maybe only 1 checked off item… you are far more important then the amount of rooms that are cleaned, the amount of laundry or dishes piled up, or the goals you had set. YOU, just you, is the most important. You are already worthy.
– Your world is strong when you are strong, so take care of you – whatever it takes! Your world needs you first!
– When your ‘cup’ is full you can give more to far more people. If you let yourself ‘dry up’, or remain on low energy, you will burn out. Give yourself time to heal and recharge.
Are you catching on to the theme to this message? 😏 Your mental health should always be top priority. We all need you strong, so don’t look at taking time for just you as a selfish thing to do.
It does not mean that you love anyone less because you say ‘no’… learn to say ‘no’ when you need to! When it all becomes too much – saying ‘no’ is a healthy thing to do!
Your brain is the captain of your body – so make sure that captain is alert and healthy. 👍🏻
Reminder to Parents & Spouses
– If you find that your loved one is having more bad days than good, be the first to suggest if they need to talk to someone who could help; a counselor at school, a therapist, or a doctor.
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Parents, you are not a bad parent because your child needs to talk out their problems with someone else. Spouses, you are not a bad husband/wife. You haven’t failed. Depression and/or anxiety is a very real illness, it’s not you. The worst thing you could do is take it personally. The best thing you could do is help them find the right help from a professional.
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A therapist has been trained to ‘untangle’ the brain that is causing the pressure of depression and/or anxiety. They speak the language that your child, or spouse, is trying to speak but you may not understand. A therapist serves as an unbiased person that is safe to speak to, who can say things in such a way that your loved one can hear and accept. It’s so important to have a ‘safe place’ to share everything. And that person can provide a service that will help your loved one to recovery.
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– When your loved one lashes out or says things that are hurtful, it’s not what they say – it’s the emotion behind it. Dismiss the words, look past what is said, they are in pain and that is the issue. They’re trying to figure out why they’re feeling the way they’re feeling.
Don’t take it personal. Help them find help. Be there for them. If they need you to go to therapy with them so you can hear each other, that could be the best thing you could do for your relationship. The trained professional can help you hear what they’re *really* saying, and they can help your loved one hear what you are trying to say. Remember, therapist’s are trained to help navigate the mind, they are the guide on a very turbulent river and can help guide you both to safety.
Not all therapists are the same, you may need to shop around to find the right fit. I promise, there is one out there who can help. Don’t just look for one who will tell you what you want to hear, find one who will tell you what you NEED to hear.
Reminder to Those Who Want to Help – Friends & Family
– You may think they need/want space – don’t give them space. They need reminders of love…. Reach out, and reach out often.
— Send them a text, a “thinking of you” or “love you” note. Simple and easy
— Call them, ask them “how are you feeling?”
— Invite them out to lunch or shopping
— Send them something funny or ‘i thought of you…’ message.
– Remember, it’s not your job to fix it. Resist the urge to ‘rescue them’ or solve the problem. It’s hard, I know and understand completely. They just need to be reminded that those in their life care. Keep it simple, keep it light, even a simple heart emoticon sent to them in a text or email can mean the world.
I’ve made some hearts on my website here, free to download so you can send your loved one a reminder that you care: https://bekindart.com/be-kind-books
– If they push back, don’t take it personal, and don’t let it keep you from reaching out. It’s likely them being upset at themselves, feeling unworthy of your love – or feeling embarrassed. Keep it light, keep it gentle. It’s so important to send little reminders that you do truly care.
Reminder to You, the One Who is Struggling With Depression
I get it. I know the zapped energy you feel. The feeling of wanting to cry, but not knowing exactly why. You feel so tired, it feels like life is going in slow motion and everything takes SO long to do! It’s going on day 2, 3, 4, 5… and you feel like you’ve gotten nothing done. It’s hard to look at people in the eyes and not feel like you’ve failed.
You may have said things you wish you hadn’t said. You may wish you had better focus. You may have forgotten – again, and again – and worry that people hate you.
You may be feeling like a failure – but know this. You are NOT alone. You haven’t failed. These feelings do not define you. Please don’t measure your worth on what you do or don’t do, YOU are and will always be worthy of love. YOU matter. People love YOU – not what you do. People care about you, not the other stuff.
Look into the eyes of a sweet innocent child and feel that love and affection for them. Capture that feeling and use those same lenses when looking at yourself – you have that same innocent child within you who is crying for the same love and affection. Be kind to that ‘little one’ inside you – who needs you, who only wants to do good, but is tired and is struggling to manage their emotions.
Remember this:
– When life gets to be too much, rest.
– Take a cave day, take as many as you need – but don’t make it a permanent home. Give yourself small challenges – realistic challenges. Set a goal that is unbelievably easy to do (i.e. get out of bed).
– If all you do in a day is just get out of bed, you have won the day! Anything beyond that is a bonus
– On your cave day, fill it with favorites. Even if you don’t feel interested in them, have them available anyways – do them anyways. Eat that chocolate, you deserve it! You got out of bed – you are AWESOME!
– Send a message to a safe friend, one who you know will understand… let it read “Not feeling myself today”. Send a message to ME
– Call a trusted friend. Sometimes it helps to hear a kind voice.
– Set up an appointment with your therapist – you need it.
– Find someone to go out with, go shopping or out to eat for lunch. It helps to get out with people or even just for a drive.
– Do something kind for someone, maybe send a message to another friend who you know struggles too, and remind them that you care and love them!
– Please please please remember that no one is judging you in the way that you do towards yourself. Unless you hear it firsthand – it’s all made up in your mind. Don’t focus on the one or the few, focus on the many who do love you, care about you, and are likely concerned about how to best help you.
– Look for the little ways that people are trying to reach out. Embrace them. If you don’t hear from others, consider they are trying their best to learn how to best help you.
– Help others by letting them know that you’re having a hard time. Be open and honest.
– Share your story online, you may never know who needs to hear that you can relate. You could help someone else feel they are not alone. Give the love that you wish to receive.
– Step outside. Let your face feel the sun and breathe in the fresh air. It doesn’t have to be long. Do something kind like this for your ‘little one’ inside you. She/He needs it.
It has helped me to see myself, the REAL me, who sometimes get’s trapped inside, as a little child who is in need of TLC. I sometimes need to give special attention and treat myself as I would any of my little nieces and nephews. For example, I would never speak unkindly to them – never would I say the things that I too often say to myself. So it has worked to stop, put on those lenses, and treat myself as I would to them. So if my niece was sad and hurting, I would tell her “Let’s take it easy today. Let’s do something fun.” Or “Sometimes it helps to take a nap, do you need a nap?”
The Brain Cold
Other helpful lenses to put on to be kind to yourself is to look at depression as a ‘brain cold’. When you have a cold you need to rest to recover. This perspective helps in providing your mind time to heal. Just like a cold, your mind and body is tired. You don’t push yourself hard when you have a cold, it is much the same when you have an episode of depression. The more care you give yourself during that time, the quicker you recover. The less time and care you give yourself, the longer it will take to recover.
When it’s time to see the doctor
If you find yourself having more bad days then good, it’s time to see a therapist.
If you find yourself thinking and feeling dark thoughts, such as suicide / death ideation, it’s time to see your therapist – and – a psychiatrist. Family doctors are trained to be aware of depression and treat it – but a psychiatrist specializes in mental illnesses and would be the best source for help.
If you feel like you may be a danger to yourself, there is no shame in going into the ER, or calling 911 or The Suicide Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
If you just need to talk, reach out to a trusted friend. You could message me – I totally get where you’re at! I want to help. No judgement here. 💚
Please be kind. Please be patient. Please be willing to understand. Please be willing to learn. Please speak up! Share your very real feelings – be honest – be open – please don’t hide. You are safe, you are loved, and you are so so worthy of living. Please live – please just take it one day at a time. 💚
